My monologue "Television" continues to burrow its way into universe in strange and unpredictable ways.

click to enlarge.

Who doesn't like chocolate? Not me! I love chocolate!

Who doesn't like bacon? Nobody, that's who! Everybody loves bacon! Pigs love bacon! If I was a pig I would regularly undergo belly surgery so that I could have an endless supply of bacon.

From the dawn of civilization, people have eaten chocolate, and also bacon. Why, oh why, has it taken from then 'til now to put the two together?

My wife brought home this curious artifact today, "Mo's Bacon Bar," described as containing "applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt, and deep milk chocolate." My son Sam (6), who sees absolutely no reason why bacon and chocolate should not commingle, dove right in and rushed to be the first to try this new confection. I followed suit, and Mom, more out of curiosity than craving, took a small piece.

It's seems odd to say it, but it tastes exactly like bacon, and chocolate. As though you had, perhaps, a piece of bacon and then a little square of chocolate. Or perhaps a thin square of chocolate, then a thin slice of bacon, then another thin slice of chocolate on top, a little chocolate-and-bacon sandwich. Neither flavor overpowers the other -- you don't say "You can really taste the bacon!", it's actually rather subtle. And chocolatey, and bacony.

On the back of the package is an essay by the treat's inventor, explaining herself.  As well she should.*

For more information on chocolate and bacon, consult your local library. Or go here.


*Thanks to sheherazahde for pointing out that, although the name "Mo's Bacon Bar" led me to believe the inventor was a man named Mo, the inventor of this confection is, in fact, a woman.  Named Katrina.  Go figure.

I will wait for those involved with this website to step forward to identify themselves to the public, but for now let me simply point you in their direction and wish them luck with their venture.


UPDATE: No sooner does a grassroots internet phenomenon begin but does it develop an angry backlash.

Friend-o urbaniak  posted this photo of this weird bumper sticker yesterday, and I admit I've probably been thinking about it more than I should. On the one hand, I think our political discourse should brim with healthy debate, on the other hand I can't honestly say I consider this "healthy." Like Urbaniak, I'm guessing that the author of the sticker has some serious issues, I mean besides his or her poor grammar, spelling and punctuation.

In any case, I've decided I'm going to take this bumper sticker and run with it until it becomes the next "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" or "I'm In Your _____ _____ing your _____."

Looking at the weird spelling of "daughter," it occurred to me that perhaps the author of the sticker is not just a bad speller but is actually dyslexic. So, playing around with the word order, I thought perhaps the message might read "YOU! TELL US (FRIGID BITCHES) WHAT ELSE MUST [Y]OUR DAUGHTER HILLARY MUST DO TO BECOME PRESIDENT?" The author being a member of "Frigid Bitches," a sub-group of the Skinny Bitch movement -- in addition to eating more healthfully, the Frigid Bitches I imagine also abstain from sex. If we remove the "y" from "your" (keeping in mind the author's dyslexia) turns the message into a humorous feminist message of empowerment.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps the misspelling of "daughter" is deliberate, and is meant as a signal, that perhaps the entire sticker is actually an anagram, in a bit of political intrigue designed to be appreciated by fans of The Da Vinci Code. I whisked myself off to The Internet Anagram Server and typed in "TELL US YOU FRIGID BITCHES".

Instantly a very different message emerges: top of the list, "HERBICIDE FLOUTS GUSTILY." I'm not sure what the word "gustily" means, but clearly this is a message in favor of organic farming, an important issue in Santa Monica. Or perhaps it's "DECIBEL FUSSILY OUTRIGHT", the beginning of a message about noise pollution, another important Santa Monica issue.

"YOUR DAUGHTER HILLARY", on the other hand, yields over 50,000 possibilities, my favorite being "A HARDER YOGURT UH LILY". So we have "HERBICIDES GUSTILY FLOUT A HARDER YOGURT."

"TO BECOME PRESIDENT", on the other hand, yields almost 60,000 possible combinations, the most direct probably being "BISECTED EMOTE PORN." Put together with the first two, gives us "HERBICIDES, GUSTILY BISECTED, EMOTE, FLOUT A HARDER YOGURT PORN."

What else? Well, "what else" indeed? "WHAT ELSE" yields 142 possibilities, the most likely being "HATE SLEW" or "AW, SHE LET" or maybe "LAW SHEET."

Which gives us "AW, SHE LET HERBICIDES, GUSTILY BISECTED, FLOUT, EMOTE A HARDER YOGURT PORN." Which doesn't make that much sense, but it's still more direct than the original message.

This humble journal is mentioned, although not by name, in today's EW.COM Popwatch Blog.  I take particular pride in this because Entertainment Weekly is my magazine of choice whenever I'm flying on an airplane.  Which I mean as a compliment.

The only other thing I have to add is:



Don't make me angry, Entertainment Weekly.  You won't like me when I'm angry.
 

Because, you know, you never know.

Story here.

The ever-indispensable Occasional Superheroine directs us to Crypto Kids, the NSA's "kid page," luring a generation of pre-teens to a life of spying. It must be seen to be believed.

Send it to Mitch Fincher.

I always wondered what this guy looked like.

I've got to say, it's bracing for me to see unstoppable force meet unmovable object here. These are two of my least favorite television personalities ever, and I don't think I've ever heard them both sound this sincere before, and certainly not at the same time. Since I think of both of them as insufferable pricks, it's hard to actually pick a side in the debate; my only real wish would be that the confrontation devolve into an actual fistfight that leaves them both hospitalized.

Here, by the way, is the story they're discussing.

swiped from The Beat.

This...is...Caketown!

Marrow lives.